Walking Through The Tall Grass

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-Albert Einstein

I just can't buy into the idea that there is heaven or hell. At the same time, I can't buy into the idea that life is meaningless either.

I've been through both heaven and hell. And I've lived enough lifetimes in just this one to know that it is filled with meaning. Perhaps not in every twist and turn- but then again, because perhaps we are not looking. But, the meaning lies, waiting, when we decide to open up and look at it. Decide may be a bit of a harsh description. At times, it takes pain staking effort to work through the webs and paths we've adopted and cling onto to make our own, oftentimes, false meaning of reality.

Some people say- if you do the work, you can reap the rewards. And to most degrees, this is true. But, oftentimes the work can be one of the simplest things, like taking an opportunity to which you pretty much resisted quite a lot (in retrospect). And discover, once you let go- how easily the meaning surfaces.

In this life, there is heaven and there is hell. There are monsters every where you turn- even inside yourself. To deny that, only makes them more tricky to weed out from the trees.

If someone could teach us one thing to make this life easier- it would be to be honest with ourselves. But that would entail those who are teaching, to be first honest with themselves and secondly then, honest with us.

A perfect world, there is not. But, hope is life. And the only way to find our way is to find our way within ourselves, honestly, courageously and tenderly. Getting past what we've been taught, what we've rebelled against, what we may have inadvertently adopted without even realizing- to form this reality in which we comfortably exist. Life is difficult, yet we seem to take comfort in our own view of it's difficulty, crafting our own reality based on our own difficulties, often denying the difficulties of humans as a whole.

Perhaps it is the American, modernized way of thinking, an industrialized cycle of it's own. But we are so self-centered. To a degree we must be, but it seems we've lost our compassion for the human race and our place in it. I think individually and globally, we'd be much better off, and much happier if we could attain the balance between being self-centered in a healthy way and unresistant to being part of a whole.

Either way, the battle lies within ourselves. And to wage a good fight, we must first be open to the possibility that our preconceived notions are often barriers to our progress. And more importantly, that they exist, in the first place to perhaps, be broken, modified and/or abandoned altogether.

This Moment Is a Gift

Life is about loving and letting go. Of these things, I am most certain. The longer my life becomes... the more certain of these things, than any other things, I am sure.

Perhaps it is because the longer you live, the more death you encounter. Perhaps because, if you are lucky- the longer you live, the more aware you become of the fragility, the impermanence of life.

Nothing as poignant as death can bring this realization clearer in one's mind.

Death will come, for certain. Yet when, we do not know.

Loving, connecting, understanding are the only true gifts along the way. And even these things, like all things in life, have impermanence. But, discovering them, embracing them are integral pieces to life's precious puzzle.

Learn to know yourself. Learn to love yourself. Learn to connect and understand and love one another. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. Live this moment now, before it is too late.

For Little Mikey and his loving family

12 July, 2009

Peaking outside the box

I've been thinking about demons and fear and battles and the nonsense that keeps us from ourselves. I've been thinking about how we keep ourselves from being real. How we create facades to hide behind, identify with and cling to in order to mask our fear.

There is a real part inside of us, sometimes the gooshy bits we don't like to face, that long to be brought into the light. But it hurts, so it is easier to deny it, than to face and embrace it. Oftentimes something terrible happens in our lives, often there is suffering and pain and loneliness which opens a window. But rationalization, the great art of this human condition, allows us to recoil and become once again, what we were before.

It is important in that time, when a window does appear, that we push ourselves through it. I fear, after too many chances, the windows appear farther and farther apart, making the journey through much more difficult. I see many people whose lives are almost done, without joy, without light, without even the motivation or curiosity for something more.

The emptiness, the suffering, the ignorance all around us- it makes it difficult not to become part of it. But we keep people around us who will perpetuate this end. We do things in the same ways, to perpetuate this end. And we keep ourselves away from words, feelings, people and places that would perpetuate otherwise. Why? Because there is no true joy, because no one is truly happy, or truly real. There is no creator, there is no light. Just the absence of darkness. These are the rationalizations we use. We trick ourselves, for others trick us. We fool ourselves, for others fool us. We lie to ourselves, for others lie to us.

But the truth is there. We must be dynamic enough to realize the possibility of looking at something in a completely different way. We put ourselves into boxes, ones not created by others. But, a box none-the-less. And we keep ourselves unfulfilled. We keep ourselves joy-less. On purpose. How insane are we?

We see what we wish to be there. Nothing more. Until we have no other choice but to see what is really there.

Look around you today. There is much to realize. There is much more than you allow yourself to see.

Tending to your garden

This past weekend, I cleared the weeds from the patch of soil in my front yard, leaving only the flowers yet to bloom. This morning beautiful wee sunflowers greeted me, dancing in the breeze. I think they were grateful for the chance to bloom, without the weeds stealing the nutrients they needed. I hadn't given any thought to how the weeds must have suffocated and stifled their growth. Seems odd I didn't think of this. Because any living thing needs the room and a place from which to grow. 

We are right where we are supposed to be at any given time in our lives. I did not learn this from mere rationalization, as we tend to "learn" when we're stuck in the depths of the human condition. I learned this having gone through rough times and much pain, wishing and wanting so badly to be past that pain. Only realizing, in the midst of healing, that without being right there where I was, I would not have gotten to the process of clearing and healing. Without each step and turn and time I had previously wished was never there, I could not be in the place I am now, knowing what I know at this very moment.

It's not simply about being satisfied with where you are, or justifying how you came to be here. Although, when integrated, this idea of being right where you are supposed to be at this moment can make you not only satisfied with your life and self, but grateful and secure and open to all that life has to offer.

When you learn and grow you open up to the new, you open up to what has not been in it's place before your learning, before your growth. Quite simple. And we should always be learning, always be growing, always be open. Which is not to say that we should cling easily to all new experiences. This is a mistake I have made all too often. One that usually results in much pain.

The willingness to learn and grow takes much courage. But it is like a fast-growing, nourished seed. When life presents its opportunity, and you take it- it is difficult to forget what is learned. When forced, if need be, life, the universe, provides you with the foundation to rise up from. And if you do, your spirit tends to remember this. Even if your heart, your mind and eventually, your body tries to deny it. The body processes the denial, the pain.

Through pain and suffering, the spirit learns how to dance. And like riding a bike, it is something we switched on, and are always able to tune into.

Then, comes the resistance. This ongoing battle is one of importance. It is the motivation for freeing the mind, the spirit. It is only until we give up our battle within and let go of the fighting that we become clear and open. Some think this battle can be won only once, and then change can begin- when we stop our behavior, when we make a commitment to love, etc. This, I do not believe to be true. This way of thinking only sets us up to ultimately fail, neglecting to take into account the consistency of the battle.

The battle within rages daily, momentarily even. We must practice moments of letting this battle with ourselves go. And in practice, with each letting go, if it is only 2 moments within the day, we are blessed with 2 moments of clarity, of openness. And 2 moments will give rise to more moments, bringing, eventually- a happy balance between the reality we live in, and the reality within ourselves, the truth of the human spirit.

In this place, we are one and there is love. Not the love of romance, although that love only has it's place here. It is a love of unity and mindfulness, presence in this moment, and our relation to one another, to our creator energy.

So, how does all of this have to do with being right where we are supposed to be, at this moment- when this moment may be filled with great pain and suffering for some? In these moments of clarity, of openness and truth we are not alone, we are not victims, we do not suffer, but exist only in light and love. Like the seed to the sun- we reach up toward the light, growing, changing, adapting, repairing, creating.

This is the place of the human spirit. And no matter where we are in the process of learning, growing, clarity and openness- We are exactly where we should be in that process. For we must have a place from which to move.

We are given opportunities and we take them when we are ready. Pain and suffering give us the soil in which to grow roots and rise above. If we weren't in this exact spot, in this exact soil, we could not grow exactly the way we were meant to. 

We only learn out of ignorance. We only open out of what was closed. We could not do that from any other place. 

Having said that, one must be careful and wise not to spend too long in the pain and suffering of the human condition. For this human spirit is a delicate thing. Years of being overgrown with weeds, without sufficient water and sun, flooding or torn roots and no balance can threaten even the most resilient seed. We must be aware and open to opportunities when they arise and not be too clouded or blind to them.

And so it begins

While setting up my blogger account, I pondered the purpose and subject matter of my new writing adventure. My mind drifted to this subject and that, older posts on other sites and the prospect of focusing on a clear and specific subject matter in my new blog. Patient, was I, confident some subject would reveal itself. And in the culmination of these past few days in setting up my account, a subject has indeed presented itself. It is what had me writing in my early teens, what presented itself in themes of short stories in college, and blogs in my 30's. General, though specific, I will focus on the human spirit and it's place in the human condition. I feel we have lost site that these two concepts are not one in the same, but greatly dependent upon one another. We shall see in the near future how and where this concept and this blog branches. As each and every aspect of what we do, aids in the development and revelation of what we are.

And thus began the focus on this day:

I am sick to my stomach with this turmoil and this pain. Words come to me in jumbles, making sense only to the workings of my mind. Steadfast, eyes closed, I go where I am led. Feeling unkempt and disrupted, my mind is unclear only moments after clarity. This is the way it works. 

We touch upon the truth in our lives, the truth in each other's eyes. And it rains down upon us, sometimes too much to bare. In films, they make it rain so hard, for the viewer to be able to see it on screen.  I imagine it hurts similarly, only on the outside of the skin. And the pain within our hearts, our minds always manifests itself into physical pain, suffering and disease. 

Society has become more advanced, and thus the human condition more complicated and painful. It is a facet of the human condition, to seek to make improvements on it. In that search for betterment, in that quest for understanding, the road oftentimes becomes more dense and strewn with more obstacles and debris. 

I believe it is our responsibility to discern the forest from the trees. To seek understanding from the base of our hearts and the vast openness of our minds. Without this, we shall fall. Without this we will fail. If we seek the prize outside of ourselves, without the quest for understanding and knowing ourselves, we will cause more harm than good-For ourselves and one another.

We seek to be heard, to be understood, to connect with one another and ourselves. But we lack the humility at times, to even be able to begin. 

This seems to me, to be a lifelong agenda, a universal, planetary objective. And I understand that there is energy and movement toward understanding, at this stage more than ever in our history. So, I seek to become a part of which I always have been. And I invite you to do the same and join along in my own quest, my own learning. For one cannot learn or succeed, or become anything without the rest, without being part of the whole.

There are many facets to me, from naive to wise, easily amused to quantitatively complex. I am cynical and open, humorous and engaging. I'm sure to reveal many parts of myself in this blog. But will try to keep my focus on this human condition and the place our human spirit has in that condition. 

And so it begins.